The thirteenth week

It's been an interesting week, not so much for Madeline's accomplishments as for what I've learned.

Lacey returned to work this week, so I have had Madeline all to myself during the day. And, suddenly, I understand. I understand what it means to be completely responsible. Not that I was disconnected before - I often look after Madeline while Lacey naps or runs errands, and I have spent many long nights tending to the baby while Lacey sleeps. But, mostly, whenever I am home, Lacey is home too.

But every evening, when I go to work, Lacey is home alone with the baby. And now I understand what she has been experiencing. As the adult, I'm responsible for knowing when Madeline needs to eat and sleep, when she wants to play or just be rocked. And sometimes I need to make her do things she doesn't want to do, like settle down and take a nap when she's tired. Sounds easy - she's tired, so put her down and she'll sleep, right? Anyone who's raised a child knows it's seldom that simple.

Again, I don't think I was disconnected from responsibility before Lacey went back to work, but when she's here there is always someone to consult with, to reaffirm my correct decisions or tell me what I'm doing wrong. When she's at work, it's just me.

So far I've truly enjoyed it. Though it's stressful at times, it's an amazing feeling to get it right - to figure out what she needs, to calm her and to elicit one of her heart-melting smiles or a giddy chirp. And I am looking forward to the coming months and, perhaps, years as Madeline and I have our special father-daughter time together on weekdays. (And it will make me appreciate even more the time Lacey is home with us!)